new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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