Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
