this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
