physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
