i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
