We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
