i just had sex bonerless
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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