Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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