I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
