My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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