Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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