Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
