glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize