you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
