I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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