highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
