No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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