I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
