She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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