woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
