Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i dont even know how to be here
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
