So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love having hate sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
