i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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