He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
