is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
