Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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