after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
