You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
