Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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