Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
