Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my shit smells like andre
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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