does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
