The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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