Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
