Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
