Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
