He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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