The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
