If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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