My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
