I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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