I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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