Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
