To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
