Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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