Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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