So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm way too hungover for life right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
