Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is the high leading the old right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
