i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
