I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
