so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
