I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My feet surprised me
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